Comma chameleon

If commas were teenage girls, they'd be wearing too much eye makeup, listening obsessively to Bon Iver, and writing sad poetry. Certain that no one—no, not a single human being on earth—likes or understands them.

But guess what? They actually do have reasons to slam the bedroom door and mope. They are frequently treated unfairly. Forgotten. Dropped like a red-hot potato.

Just look at salutations ("Hello") and imperatives ("Go"). Commas should be right there with them. But, so often, commas are ignored, left home alone.

(Come to think of it, Salutations and Imperatives would be a good name for an indie band, one a comma would surely want to sing along with. And so Latinate! So "Salve, imperator.")

Anyway, salutations. Anytime you say "Good morning," or "Bye," or "Howdy" to people you call by name, you need to separate the salutation and the name with a comma. For instance: "Hey, Proof Cabinet! How goes it?"

Yet just count how many emails you get today that say "Hi Jack," or "Yo Adrian," or "See you tonight bro," or whatever the greeting/goodbye might be. You will undoubtedly get more salutations that are comma-challenged than comma-appropriate.

Then there are imperatives—suggestions or commands. They provide some wickedly great opportunities for comma-free mayhem. Take a look:

Let's eat, Aunt Betty!
Let's eat Aunt Betty!

These two suggestions point to very different outcomes, don't they? If you want to grab a quick bite and your intended dinner companion is Aunt Betty, stick that comma in as shown.

If you are encouraging others to nosh on your poor aunt, then, by all means, leave the comma out.

Commas affect meaning, big time. Make sure the comma is right where it ought to be, separating the imperative from the person or group you're addressing: "Dream big, baby," "Take five, people," "Look at that, honey." Otherwise, you may be communicating something very different.

Admit it: Commas are cool. One day, you'll be sorry you aren't their friend.